Friday, 6 February 2015

Getting Lost in the Emptiness

Friday, 6 February 2015
I hit a writing block last year, around January. I had no motivation, no interest, no joy, no words, no stories, no thoughts. I was empty . . . and because I was empty, so was that Word document, its cursor a fresh stab with every blink. Bitch. 

It's clear that I wasn't doing too well with anything at that time. I had the blues, you could say. It wasn't just my writing that was affected - my grades, my mood, my friends and family, my hobbies, my passions. They all seemed to simmer up to a crisp before me, and I realized afterwards it had been me holding the blazing fire that had turned them to ash. 

So, the whole of last year was a terrible bum year for all my endeavours. This year, I'm hoping to get back into swing of how I was before, maybe even more so. I'm sitting around a lot, scrolling through feeds I've gone through plenty already, and I'm not really doing much. Just being lazy. So it's time to kick Lazy's ass out the door, and welcome Motivation back after its trip to Sam's Empty Insides. (I bet its super tan, having been in such bright conditions . . . My sarcasm is the best.)

This year will be the year my writing hits the road running. Not just for exercise - there's a T-Rex chasing my damn writing and no effing way are my words letting themselves be eaten by an idiot dinosaur! (Plus, I read that the average human actually had good chance of outrunning them, by like a few feet.) 

Not only will my writing be climbing a mountain of improvement, but my art also has been doing so of late. And I hope to continue growing as a creative because this stuff is how I express myself. It's how I don't fall apart. It's how I keep putting foot after foot every day. I breathe the art that I produce. It's my oxygen. If I didn't do something creative, I just wouldn't be me.

No longer will I be tripping over the invisible rock and plummeting into the oblivion of emptiness inside myself. Here is where I say goodbye to that Sam, and where I grab my own hand and walk into that cliché sunset that marks a new beginning.

What may this new beginning hold, you may ask? Well, for a start, Three Seconds to Brave is going to have a finished first draft outline this weekend and chapter two will be completed (well, those are the goals anyway, if the boyfriend doesn't distract too much). Also, I must work on two A1 pieces of artwork for my portfolio (so that I have a chance at college). Must start a new digital painting or drawing, too, probably a book cover this time . . . and I got an actual canvas for the first time so I must decide what I want to paint on it, then maybe sketch it out. So, a busy weekend is ahead. I hope not to sleep in until twelve or one or two, and actually get my ass into gear.

My ambitions are beginning to grow inside me, like the way a titan builds strength. All I must do now, is learn to control and use it. All I must do now is act.


No comments:

Post a Comment